Thanks to a special phone app called “Timehop,” today I was shown a long lost web entry from 5 years ago where I shared how I was feeling that Christmas Eve. At that point in time, I was on the verge of creating my “5 Year Plan” attempting to give my life purpose and direction. And now I sit here, back in my home after my feet have walked many lands, knowing that I did not have deep trust at that point in time that God would fulfill all those desires. But He sure has, and then some. Now I know that all that I hope to do with my time here on earth will be most impactful when it is led by my love, faith and trust in Jesus. The man, the gift, the savior, the friend we celebrate tomorrow. Merry Christmas to you!
(I wish all things that show up on Timehop were this enlightening/not-embarrassing to be reminded of.)
Thursday, December 24, 2009
“Thoughts On Life”
Today is Christmas Eve and as I sit in my room waiting for my parents to wrap presents, my mind can’t help but contemplate life.
Lately, I have really been struggling with figuring out where my life is headed in the future. As a college Junior, yet to finish my senior AND fifth year, the weight of the real world is beginning to bear it’s load on my mind. The quote stirring my mind at this moment in time is “The great use of life is to spend it for something that will outlast it.”- William James. I am a big quote person, this stemming from what I like to call my ‘cheesy’ side, one that drools over any attempt at inspiration for life or simple moments in life that need to be cherished on a deeper level. The quote on my mind was found as I was thumbing through my old (barely read) copy of Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul III. IN the background Mariah Carey’s Hero was playing (my secret indulgence) and sparked today’s thoughts on where my life is headed.
You see, all I know that I want from life is to use it for the greater good. How exactly I am going to accomplish that is what drives my wild every day. At the end of this life I have been blessed with, I hope to look back and see a trail of great community contributions and of lives impacted by my efforts. I cannot escape the thoughts that follow me everyday reminding me that I am extremely blessed with all the things that have been provided to me. As I look into my life and see a closet full of clothes, a room full of things galore, and a bed to sleep on, I feel a sense of guilt that more awaits me behind the colorful paper just outside my door. The guilt I feel stems from knowing that MANY people that are walking this earth today do not have even a quarter of this kind of ‘wealth.’ By the standards of those around me, I do not have a lot, but of the world- I am rich beyond all means. Greed and excess are things I do not understand, things that I try hard to live without. American culture is driven by consumerism and the constant need of the newest things, and I do not follow. I cherish moments rather than objects and people rather than luxuries.
Making a Christmas List and posting in on the fridge is something I’ve never done my entire life. I’ve always left mine intentionally blank with the occasional ‘socks’ written across the top. And this year…. I made a list. Only including around 5 things but still, it’s a list. And I feel weird about it. I know my parents would get me gifts anyways, but knowing they are paying for my college and have paid for my entire life thus far is an idea that is really catching up to me. I do not want them to buy me anything because they already do enough. “Gifts show how much we love and appreciate one another,” claims my dad. But I’d much rather spend Christmas money doing things for others and feeling love and appreciation through words, actions, and a family that can sit together happily on a holiday.
This is only the start of the deep thoughts that stir my mind.
God, if you feel like shedding light on where my life is headed, anytime is the perfect time.